Wedded Bliss

I just returned from a trip to Michigan for Hilary's wedding. Hilary has been my best friend for over a decade and she's been with her husband since they were 14. Their wedding was the 1st time I've ever been a bridesmaid, and while it was a lot of work, I honestly couldn't have been happier to be a part of it. I've never been to a more beautiful wedding so perfectly filled with love and happiness from everyone. I may in the next few days post my toast to Hilary and Kelly. But for now I just wanted to share how happy I am for them, and what a beautiful couple they are.


OK...here's my toast. I used to be such a good public speaker, but it was hard for me to hold it together to deliver this:

Hilary and I have been close since we were 16—just a couple of years after Hilary and Kelly met, so I’ve known them though almost all of their relationship and I’ve been lucky enough to watch their relationship grow.

At weddings there’s always a lot of talk of growing old together, and they surely will—we’ve all know for a long time now that they’ll be together forever.

But what I think makes their love story so amazing is that they’ve already grown together—think of how much you change from 14 to 27—not much stands the test of time, but they’ve managed to grown up with each other—their love matured with them.

Movies and music always talk about “The One” and for many of us it’s a lofty idea that sits somewhere in the future or forever remains fiction. Finding “The One” is always told as a perilous journey with obsciticals to overcome all culminating with a happy ending.

Which might make for entertaining romantic comedies, but a far more inspiring story for me is a love story like Hilary and Kelly’s—a story that isn’t about the pursuit of some perfect ending but rather about a life lived together in love.

It’s a truer love—more real, more honest. You can’t hide any part of yourself. They know it all—they’ve been there for most of your life. And still she loves him and he loves her because although they’ve changed throughout the years—Hilary is still Hilary and Kelly is still Kelly, and they are still each other’s partner.

So please join me in wishing them a future as inspiring as their past.

To Hilary and Kelly!

What's in a Name?

As my BFF's wedding approaches next month. I have found myself increasingly engrossed in all things matrimonial. With the dress, shoes, plane ticket, etc. all out of the way. I've been focusing lately on the Bridal Shower and Best Lady toast/speech.

The first is pretty well planned:
Hil's shower won't include any cheesy games and they'll be no blinking-penis-shaped-necklace filled bachelorette party. Just a morning at the spa followed by an afternoon picnic in the park. I ended up making the invites myself with my mad crafting skillz, and good thing I did, because it turns out Bridal Shower invitations are inherently sexist.

Exhibit A:



Every example of custom shower invites I found included some form of “soon to be Mrs. SOME DUDE.” Sure, you can leave that part out when you customize it, but really? Not a single nod to women who aren’t so keen on morphing into their future husband’s shadow? Or to same sex couples?

Far worse of course is this trend:


Ugh.

As for the speech, I’m currently working on putting together something that will be wonderful, moving, profound, and hilarious, that will inspire both a river of tears as well as uproarious laughter from every guest. But if that doesn’t work I’ll just start dancing, no one can resist my sweet moves.

Why I don’t care about your Anniversary*

My mom’s birthday was Monday, and her wedding anniversary was Tuesday. I remembered one of them, while my brother and grandparents remembered both, leading me to the following conclusion: You only care about/remember occasions that you celebrate. I have a birthday (ahem, April 22nd) and therefore remember other people’s birthdays.

I have no anniversary so therefore see no reason why I should celebrate other people’s. I’m convinced only married people care about other people’s anniversaries. Maybe it’s like some sort of club, or a competition, I’m not sure, but the small sampling of single peeps I surveyed agree.


*It’s not that I don’t care, per se, I am totally happy for you, really. It’s just not really about me, and I can only get so excited about things that aren’t about me.

Happily Ever After?

I’m extremely conflicted about weddings and marriage.

Sure the concept of finding someone with whom you want to spend the rest of your life (and who feels the same way) is something I’d ultimately like in my life, which isn’t to say of course that I’m not without my mountain of reservations on the whole “happily ever after” thing (or even the "I’ll actually stick with you even when it sucks" thing).

But feelings on the actual institution of marriage aside, I do love weddings; I love throwing and planning parties (and a reception is really just a big party), I love the idea of declaring love and commitment in front of everyone you know, I like to get dressed up, I like flowers, and food, and dancing, and the idea that you can go around a store scanning all the stuff you want people to buy you. I don’t think liking all these things makes me less of a feminist, and I resent the notion that you are either one or the other.

On the other hand of course, I hate the wedding industrial complex, the way people go in to debt over really trivial shit, the social hierarchy of inviting people you don’t really want to, or the hurt feelings of people not included in ways they think they should, not to mention all of the awful misogynistic traditions (the veiled property exchange and vows of obedience).

And I hate the emerging genre of “all women want to get married and when they finally trap a man they turn into crazy bitches” entertainment. We TV (one of the 3 or 4 “lady” channels) has long had this market cornered with at least one whole night a week committed to wedding shows. And yes, I’ll admit that I’ve watched a few, but shows like Bridezillas are entertaining insofar as watching crazy people (like Tyra Banks) is amusing.

The most offensive of this genre is the new movie Bride Wars.

As Jezebel said, “it's pretty offensive to anyone with a soul or a comedic sensibility. The movie is about two women who are OMG BFFS forevs, until it turns out that they have to compromise about who gets to have her dream wedding at the Plaza. Instead of compromising (because deep down, women are just catty bitches who will take any excuse to sabotage their so-called friends, particularly when it comes to a pretty princess wedding.) they duke it out for the single, perfect wedding that apparently only one of them is able to have. It's like a perfect storm of Cosmo approved clichés.”


My question is, how does a movie that so very obviously calls women insane self-centered harpies, get marketed as a “chick flick” why would we want to entertain ourselves with such a representations of ourselves?




Also, it’s really disappointing to see Anne Hathaway in this movie after how amazing she was in Rachel Getting Married.