Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Not so thankful, Thanks..

Since I haven’t had a “traditional” Thanksgiving in about four years, I see no reason to hold up the heartwarming yet painful tradition of listing all of the things I am thankful for.

(Besides the list would be boring and go something like many people’s: family, boyfriend, friends, health, not being in debt- yet)

So instead I have decided to make an uncomprehensive list of all of the things that I am not thankful for.

Awesome K's list of things she is un-thankful for

1. “Liberal” white middle class people who think it’s hip to dress up as a caricature of a social stereotype

If I have to grin and bear the “cleverness” of another person dressing up like “white trash”, or a “pimp/ho” with no clue about the implications of how racist or demeaning it is, I’m going to hold a “clueless hipster” party and come dressed up like a stereotype of them.

2. Corporate speak

Words/phrases that I could very happily live the rest of my life without ever hearing again: “synergies,” “leveraging,” “managing expectations,” “branding,” “consultant”

3. That Mac guy in the Apple/PC ads

An advertising campaign with the opposite effect: way to make it look like your computers are only for annoying hipsters. As Jon Stewart said, “is it bad that those commercials make me want to buy a PC?”

4. People who do the following things:

Talk about celebrities like they know them, tell you to smile (or even worse, “turn a frown upside down”), insist on making small talk about the weather in the elevator, act jerky on the subway, when driving, or when walking down the street, brag about their money, think that New York is the center of the universe, say “keeping it real”, call tank tops “wife beaters”,

5. The combining and shortening of celebrity names

It’s not cute, and it’s far from clever, in fact it’s the kind of thing that makes sane people throw up a little every time they witness it. Examples include: TomKat, Benifer, Bradgelina, and K-Fed….eeewww….

6. Borat

I’m sure I would laugh at the movie, but I refuse to see it. If the ridiculous level of over-hyped-ness wasn’t enough than the fact that it is basically a 20 minute mildly amusing television show stretched to the 90 minutes that you have to pay $10 and leave your house for, should be.

7. Those stupid hands free cell phone ear things

When the first hands free cell phone technology was introduced several years ago, it was annoying because you could no longer tell who the crazies were, as it appeared that everyone was carrying on very lively conversations with themselves. Now with those stupid blinking clip on ear things that people wear all the time, even when they aren’t on the phone, you can tell who the douche bags are and avoid them accordingly. Still, it doesn’t make them any less stupid.

8. The Blackberry

No it’s not envy that my company doesn’t deem me important enough to have one because I am a temp, yet still sometimes expects me to answer calls and emails when I am not at work. It’s the annoyance of both having to share the sidewalks with people attempting to reply to emails whilst walking down a crowded street, and trying to decode emails that look like this:

pease aend thre eited aricles ot me tanks

9. People who are more successful than me

Ok, granted some of them may be older or more talented than me, but still I think we can all agree that my great talents are currently grossly overlooked.