Friday, December 28, 2007


For many years I made long lists of lofty resolutions, that no matter how much I meant them, I always only half kept at best. Then two years ago, I made a brilliant list of anti-resolutions which I of course did a slightly better job of keeping.

But now, after reading seeing so much about all the horrible sh*t that is happening everywhere, and after spending the last six months of this year in a pretty dark cloud of personal grief, I’ve decided that for 2008, I’m not making a list at all. In 2008, I’m making one resolution: To be happier.

Which of course sounds completely lame, vague, and sure to fail, but I actually think it’s the smartest resolution I’ve ever made. Sure, I could focus on keeping up my new health regime, or resolve to write more, blah, blah, blah. But this is so much more meaningful— being cynical, pessimistic, and slightly morose has been such a big part of who I am for so long, but what would happen if I just stopped wallowing as much? I’d like to see what life might be like if I just decide to appreciate it (while still pointing out sh*t that is f*cked up of course). So there you have it, there’s my one resolution for 2008.

To alleviate any live-journalness of this post please enjoy the following photos of me and a monkey.

My Impression of a Monkey

A Monkey’s Impression of Me Impersonating A Monkey

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Papa Smurf

Blame it on the pre-Christmas news slump, but this is the most interesting bit o’ news I’ve heard in weeks. There is a guy who’s BLUE!

Everyone’s all like, “Now that he knows the stuff he’s drinking makes him blue, why doesn’t he stop?!” But they're just racist. Besides, he’s already blue, who knows if he could become un-blue. Plus he wants to live forever.

Which leaves me with the burning question, what if this stuff does make him live forever, then the price will skyrocket and there will be a whole new race of rich people. Man, the future’s scary. They should have just left this blue guy live his life.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

If this is the World’s Capital, What does that say about the World?

1) Sure, in any densely populated place people will wait in line for ridiculously long amounts of time for often ridiculously stupid things (i.e. products with a lower case i in front of them) But that’s their own damn problem, because if you are misguided enough to camp out or stand in the rain/snow/sleet for an overpriced piece of plastic, you are both a sucker and a fool and deserve everything that rains down upon your head.

Waiting hours in lines around the block to get into family court, is another thing all together. Sure, The New York Times could do a story on some of the million billion other problems with the justice system (especially the family justice system) but at least they have finally written a story somewhat about poor people that actually points to how f*cked the system is that aims to keep them completely demoralized.

Here’s a thought, if you can’t let people on the stairs, and can’t figure out how to fix the elevators, maybe you could let the few people at a time that are missing a court date while standing outside the building use the sacred elevators that the judges use, so they will have a case to judge. I'm just saying.

2) Completely unrelated, but also absurdly ridiculous: Pillow Fight Club. It sounds like something I would have made up with my friends when I was 7-years-old. But these people are adults, and aren’t living in quaint Midwestern town in the 1980s. Plus even as a small girl I wouldn’t have been so one-dimensional to think of a tie-breaking rule like this: “Fighters have been known to get eliminated at this point (a tie) based on outfit choice alone.”

Update: Turns out "pillow fight club" is not a New York invention (although I'm sure they'll try to claim it like everything else). There's even a website: and a wikipedia page.

It really does seem more and more that Devo was right.