You know where to send the check

There is a lot of snow in New York right now. Growing up in West Michigan it doesn’t seem like quite as big of a deal as everyone is making it out to be. I remember one year when we got this much snow in early October when all of the leaves where still on the trees (and I had to walk 2 miles to school up hill both ways).

But this “blizzard of ‘06” has gotten people quite worked up. What would we do without all the cheesy graphics and constant updates? There is a lot of snow, so what. Penguins and polar bears deal with much worse and look at how happy they are.

Being the sad and bitter person that I am however I have tallied all the things that are owed to me personally due to the 26 inch snow fall.


1. Offence: Friends not showing up for my party Saturday night because it had started to snow. Damage: cost of food ($50), time spent preparing food and apartment (approximately six hours), severely bruised self-esteem (priceless).

2. Offence: Book club meeting canceled without my knowledge as they only had my work email address. Damage: Cold and wet feet from walking 20 blocks to the bar where book club was supposed to meet only to find it canceled, time spent commuting back and forth to said non-existent book club meeting (2 hours), having to read all 500 pages of self important crap in the assigned book; A Million Little Pieces, yet never actually discussing it (cost of the book: $12, time spent reading it: approximately 12 hours)

3. Offence: Roommate’s cats hiding and possibly eating or pawning my watch due to the extreme emotional stress of being trapped alone with me and without their owner because she flew to Miami for the weekend with her boyfriend and her return flight got cancelled. Damage: my watch ($50), being late to work this morning because I was looking for my watch.

4. Offence: Hearing everyone talk about the weather endlessly for the next week Damage: Listening to everyone talk about the weather endlessly for the next week, annoyance at hearing the phrase “Blizzard of ‘06” and seeing pictures everywhere of cars with a lot of snow on them.

5. Offence: Becoming one of those people who talks about the weather. Damage: increased self loathing.

Total cost in dollars: $112

Total cost in time: 20.25 hours (at a rate of $26/hour = $526.50)

Total cost in irreparable emotional damage (translated into a dollar amount for calculation purposes): $475

Overall amount owed to me personally: $1,113.50



I’ll be watching the mail for the check..